10 Reasons Gremlins is the Perfect Movie for the Christmas of COVID
When Gremlins hit the big screen in 1984, it was a massive holiday hit that didn’t quite fit into a box. Was it a horror movie? Was it a Christmas movie? Was it made for kids? The merchandise was clearly targeted towards children, but the violence was fuel for pre-adolescent nightmares.
Gremlins was, in many ways, a Christmastime version of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. A misunderstood boy befriends a mysterious creature and havoc ensues, resulting in his adorable friend being taken away from him. Sound familiar?
Gremlins merchandise flew off retail shelves, making millions of dollars for the film’s creators. The star, an adorably furry creature named Gizmo (voiced by Howie Mandel), made his way into America’s hearts and onto lunch boxes, t-shirts, and Hardee’s kids meals. There was even a Gremlins breakfast cereal!
Thirty-six years after its release, the film is usually relegated to the honorable mention on holiday film lists. This year, Gremlins deserves another viewing. The movie’s the same, but WE ARE DIFFERENT. We’re living through a pandemic that has ravaged the globe much like those tiny movie monsters tore apart the fictional town of Kingston Falls. I’m not saying it’s the greatest Christmas movie of all time. But, after the year we’ve been through, we’ll identify with Gremlins like never before. Here are TEN REASONS Gremlins captures the spirit of America during the time of COVID.
1. WE KNEW THE RULES. WE DIDN’T FOLLOW THE RULES. . . AND THINGS GOT WORSE!
When hapless inventor Rand Peltzer (played by folk singer Hoyt Axton) makes a back alley deal to purchase Gizmo (a strange, lovable creature known as a “mogwai”) he is told there are three very important rules for owning this exotic pet.
RULE ONE: Don’t expose the mogwai to bright light — especially sunlight, which will kill it.
RULE TWO: Keep them away from water. They can’t drink water or even come into contact with it.
RULE THREE: The most important rule of all — don’t ever feed them after midnight. (Time zones and daylight savings are never explained, and this has bothered me for years).
That’s it. Three simple rules. Follow them, and everything turns out fine. Kind-of reminds me of the basic rules we were given during lockdown.
RULE ONE: Avoid large public gatherings.
RULE TWO: Wear a mask in public
RULE THREE: If you’ve been exposed, quarantine until you know you’re not infected.
We could’ve followed these rules, but a lot of people didn’t. The virus spread like a gremlin that got blasted by a Super Soaker and, as we approach the New Year, we’re still in lockdown mode.
2. THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE WERE WARNED — BUT THEY DIDN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY
The top levels of government knew how bad this could be. They ignored warnings for months instead of taking the swift action necessary to get things under control in the early stages.
The same thing happened when Billy took Gizmo to the police station and begged them to do something before gremlins took over the town. They didn’t take him seriously and it led to — you guessed it — a lot of unnecessary death. By the way — if you feel like you recognize one of the cops, but can’t quite place him, that’s because you’re not used to seeing Jonathan Banks, who plays Mike on Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, with a full head of hair.
3. THERE’S AN EVIL LANDLORD!
With unemployment skyrocketing, an increasing number of Americans are facing the possibility of homelessness. Landlords seem to be salivating for “no eviction” orders to expire so they can gleefully toss delinquent tenants onto the street. In Gremlins, Mrs. Deagle — a dog-hating replica of the Wicked Witch of the West — evicts an entire family right before Christmas, encapsulating the greed of property owners who have shown their true colors in a time when compassion is needed most.
4. A POOL PARTY IS A TERRIBLE IDEA
We could learn something from a scene where a Gremlin tries to turn a shopping mall fountain into a super-spreader pool party. Luckily, the sun shines through and fries the critter, saving the film’s hero from certain death. Maybe the folks in Missouri’s Lake of the Ozarks would’ve thought twice if they’d watched this scene before their Memorial Day Weekend pool party.
5. WE ALL WISH WE COULD KILL COVID BY BLOWING IT UP IN A MICROWAVE
Wouldn’t that be satisfying? Imagine finding out COVID was lurking in your kitchen, and being able to lure it into your microwave before slamming the door and nuking it to death. While you’re waiting for the vaccine to become available, enjoy this clip of Frances Lee McCain delivering holiday justice — mom style!
6. THERE’S AN OLD GUY WHO BLAMES EVERYTHING ON FOREIGNERS
Murray Futterman is bitter, drunk, and xenophobic. Dick Miller does such a great job portraying the character that he somehow manages to make him likable. If you’re struggling with loving a family member, but hating their political views, you’ll get that same feeling from Mr. Futterman. He’s the kind of guy who would make Christmas dinner uncomfortable by calling COVID-19 “the China virus.”
7. CHRISTMAS ISN’T MERRY FOR EVERYONE
Phoebe Cates has a monologue in Gremlins that rocked my existence as a child. I never imagined that Christmas was anything but joy and magic for the entire world. Then, I heard her speech about her father breaking his neck while coming down the chimney on Christmas Eve. With this virus continuing to take a toll, a lot of people are going to have the worst Christmas of their lives this year, and they’ll be reminded of what they’ve lost each time the holiday comes around. Sorry to bum you out.
8. BARS AND MOVIE THEATERS AREN’T SAFE
In the movie, Gremlins terrorize bars and movie theaters, creating utter chaos. COVID seems to like these places, too. Stay away.
9. RAND PELTZER’S INVENTIONS WERE AHEAD OF THEIR TIME
These days, you can find just about anything on the internet. Rand Peltzer was a dreamer who just couldn’t find a break. Sure, most of his creations were faulty, but that doesn’t stop sites like Wish from scamming millions of people out of money every day. You can even find modern versions of some of his inventions on Amazon, like this electric juicer or this handy egg-cracker. If he were alive in the modern era, we’d see him pitching the Bathroom Buddy on Shark Tank. Sure, the sharks would pass on the idea, but the presentation would be a blast to watch!
10. MRS. DEAGLE FLYING OUT THE WINDOW IS A METAPHOR FOR 2020 AS A WHOLE
In my favorite moment of the film, Mrs. Deagle’s electronic stairlift goes wild, speeding up the stairs and throwing her out the window after she cries “I’m not ready yet!”. If that isn’t this year in a nutshell, I don’t know what is.
Ultimately, Gremlins has a happy ending. The plague is over, life returns to normal, and everyone has learned a lesson about how their actions affect others. I hope that’s something we’ll also be able to relate to. Fingers crossed that, unlike Gremlins, COVID won’t have a sequel.
